I'm having a lot of thoughts lately?

It's been tough for me since i was a kid im 15 now, but lets start off. My dad has been using drugs since i was just a baby and when i was a kid my mom was mean lets just say she would grit her teeth at me and hold her hand up and tighten it into a fist which scared the livin hell out of me. when i was 9 my dad was diagnosed with Hepotitis C. my mom is trying to be more of a better mom but its hard to forgive her, i know that i should and people say that i should also but its not that easy. I have grandparents that i live with but i feel like i want to have a real mother and father. i know i have people that love me but it doesnt have any effect on my severe deppression. my mom still goes to bars and hears her boyfriend play in a band while my little brother is being baby sitted. I have some friends and wish a had a girlfriend ( i know sounds desperate of me) and i hear that the world is going to end and the rapture and that scares me cause i dont know how to believe in god and i dont want to go to hell ( of course) and i dont want all that to happen cause i want to be a better parent than any of my parents have and i made a promise to myself that i would, and i would also like to grow old and die. ya i have my life planned but if u see my problem here i guess what it would be is my life and how it ended up